7 relationship tips that are actually terrible advice

Relationship can be hard in normal times, but even more so right now, when many couples are cooped up together at home.

When we find ourselves at odds with our partners, we often seek out the advice of friends and family, but not all of their warnings and so-called “wise words” should be heeded.

Even some of the most frequently mentioned recommendations could potentially do more harm than good. To help you determine what to take to heart and what to toss out of your mind, these are the bad dating and marriage tips relationship pros say to avoid:

1. Your perfect match is out there

There is no such thing as a perfect person or a perfect partner. Every single person you will meet is going to have flaws. If you accept this fact, you may find that one of the people who you thought was ‘not so perfect’ is actually pretty great for you.

2. Let them make the first move

Waiting for someone else to make the first move will often leave you just, well, waiting. It is incredible how many times both people wait for the other to make the first move or demonstrate interest first.

3. If they can’t handle you at your worst, they don’t deserve you at your best

This is the motto of every person you have ever met that draws drama to them like a magnet, but can’t for the life of them figure out why. Instead of trying to rationalize your bad behavior, spend that time actually improving yourself and your life to the point where your worst is worth dealing with.

4. He/she/they can change!

Of course it’s true that people change over time—but only if it’s self-motivated. Don’t ever go into a long-term relationship, especially marriage, thinking you are going to change them. While relationships grow and evolve, there are some personality traits and ways that will never change.

5. Time heals all wounds

While it does take time to get over being hurt, even hours, days, months, and years cannot necessarily guarantee that you will be fine. If time heals wounds, then why are there grumpy old people? Making healthy decisions to treat the wounds heals them, not time.

6. Age is just a number

Sure, there are relationships with age gaps that work out beautifully, but experts say couples closer in age tend to be happier. Age matters less as you get older—that’s true. But dating someone close to your age has huge benefits.

7. The guy should pay

There’s a simple alternative to this outdated dating advice. Whoever asked for the date should pay. The other person should always offer to pay—or split! It’s a nice gesture that goes a long way.